When there's nothing else.

Today I clean.
My heart is heavy as my prayers are full of heavy, hard things.  There's something restorative about a good clean.
When there's nothing else you can do.  When you've prayed all you can and you're still mad and you're still broken and you want so much to be able to do something.  To fix something.  To make it all go away.
I'm not mad at God, though I have been before.  I'm mad at sin and the way it destroys our world and the way it hurts and I long for the only One who is able to restore it all and that person is not me and that day will come when He does. 
But right now when your heart is hurting for boys' lives taken too soon, for a little boy in Russia whose future is unknown (to us..), for doctors appointments you're dreading, for a little girl too young to have to fight a cancer, for a friend's daddy who just had another stroke,  for other things that can't be listed here and it breaks your heart, because it hits close to home, and you hug your own kids tight and you cry and you pray.
And I clean.
I restore order to the chaos that I can control and leave the rest of the chaos and the mess to the One who holds it all in His hands, trusting Him and His plan and His goodness. I blast music that speaks the truth, the kids dance and sing along and I scrub floors and scour sinks and trust and I pray.