For Aylan

There is a crisis happening in our world.  It's been going on for awhile and sadly . . . shamefully . . . until today I was able to ignore it.  I didn't ignore it completely, I saw glimpses of articles and felt sad, felt angry, maybe said a prayer.  For a moment.  And then I moved on and the sweeping business of life wiped the thoughts from my head as I bought school supplies and browsed Costco.

We have that luxury here.  The ability to live in a bubble of privilege and abundance and not notice, not be aware of the atrocities happening elsewhere.  I say that not as a reprimand, but as a confession.

Today, however, today I saw for the first time a picture of a tiny 3 year old boy washed up on the shores of Turkey and I was disturbed.   And we should be.   His name is Aylan and he drowned fleeing Syria.  The number of people displaced in Syria is estimated to be around 11 million, half of which are children. People are dying. By the hundreds, thousands.  It is being called the worst humanitarian crisis since World War II.  I saw that picture of Aylan, one little boy representative of so many others and I couldn't click past it with a sigh and a prayer.  Because although I absolutely believe in a God who hears and answers prayer, and think that is a necessary response, I also believe He wants to use us, to use me to move and make a difference.

Here is the thing.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know what my response should be.  I don't have millions or political influence.  I'm not sure how to help.  But I do know that Aylan...the three year old little boy...it could have been Kyler or Carson, and instead of fleeing for our lives we are signing up for boy scouts and soccer and just picked up pizza for dinner.  Because we were born here and he was born there.

There are people across the world suffering and dying and I can not sit silent.  I don't know what to do but I know the answer is not: nothing.  The answer is not to click past and forget.  The picture of sweet Aylan is disturbing and it's time to be disturbed.  To be moved.  Moved to action.

Ann Voskamp does a fabulous job giving some ideas on her blog.  I recommend you click that link and read through what she has to say...

I am going to spend time tonight reading and researching more and deciding how our family can help.  Because we cannot save them all and we can't help Aylan now.  But we also can not do nothing.

Post Surgery Update

It has been a long LONG time since I sat down to blog.  But we've had so many wonderful people wanting updates on Conor and it's so hard to keep up and get the information out so I thought we'd breathe some new life into this stale old thing.  At least for the day.

Last week, Conor had what is called a corneal DSAEK - which stands for Descemet's Stripping Automated Endothelial Keratoplasty.  Clearer now? Ha.  Basically, his cornea is damaged and instead of doing a corneal transplant they are only removing part of his cornea and inserting donor corneal cells over the damaged area to resurface the cornea. And now you understand it as well as I do.

The doctor was upfront about the fact that this would be a risky surgery for Conor and that the 5% of his remaining optic nerve would be put at risk and vision in that eye could be compromised even if the surgery went well.  The fact is, however, that he has had so many surgeries and every surgery is risky and we live under the reality that his vision could be compromised at any time by his glaucoma.  For most people losing vision in one eye is frustrating but not incredibly limiting, but for Conor because of his already reduced vision, losing one eye would mean the loss of a good bit of freedom.  So we just spent a lot of time praying and asking a few close to us to pray as well.

Surgery went well and the graft was attached the next day so we drove home encouraged and I posted this facebook update:

After a battle with some fire ants IN my house on Sunday night (Seriously.  So far from okay.) and a late night run to Walmart for ant killer.  We got the big kids ready for school Monday morning and handed off the preschooler to grandparents then left for Conor's follow up - 3 1/2 hours away - with the baby in tow.

We arrived right on time for his appointment and Evelyn smiled and babbled at all the people in the waiting room.  She was seriously in heaven.  Dozens of sweet seniors (since we are always the youngest in the waiting room by at least 30 years) smiling and talking to her.  I really am so thankful for her easygoing personality (for now).  God knew it was time for one of those in this family.

Long story short - his graft had come detached and what was supposed to be an easy follow up turned into a brisk walk across the hall for yet another surgical procedure (this time with no valium) and then a full day of follow up (6 hours of the same tiny waiting room), a last minute hotel room, and back for more follow up the next day.  It's never a good sign when the doctor hands you his personal cell phone number and tells you to call him if you wake up at any point in the night with excruciating pain.

naps

Seriously. This kid rolled with it like a champ.

waiting waiting waiting

Grandparents jumped into action and all kept functioning at home.  Carson DID go to preschool in his sister's boots since every. pair. of shoes he owns were in our van with us(oops).  But other than that everything ran smoothly on the home front while we hunkered down in Houston for an unexpected getaway.

At this  point his graft seems to be attached again and we're waiting for a follow up this afternoon to hear more.  The doctor is cautiously optimistic and so are we.

It is no coincidence that Conor has been scheduled for months to preach this week.  We are going through a series called 'God Never Said That' and he is preaching on the oft quoted: 'God won't give you more than you can Handle'  I love it. :)

So now we wait, with another follow up happening in a few short hours.  Yes, we hope he maintains his vision in that eye, and yes we are praying all goes well, but we know and firmly believe that no matter what happens...our God is with us and is working out His plan for His best for Conor -whatever that is.  So, in an effort to give thanks in all things.  Here is  (part of) our thankful list for this week.

1. Healthy eyes for our kids and even though Kyler has glaucoma, his prognosis is nothing like his dad's.
2. When our car battery died on Sunday there were helpful, capable people around to help (both times).
3. The battery was under warranty so was replaced for free.
4. The battery died on Sunday so that we had a fresh one for our trip to Houston on Monday.
5. The very best doctors and sweet sweet nurses.
6. This is only one eye, lost vision would mean losing some freedom, but not all.
7.  It's only an eye.  Not a heart or a brain or something else necessary for life.
8. An easygoing baby who is a champion nurser and sleeper and such a trooper with all the road tripping.  (Seriously. This makes me weepy, because if all this started happening before she came along we would have likely decided 3 was enough and would have missed out on this precious little one.  God is so good.)
9. Friends and Grandparents to help. And help some more. :)
10. A God who loves us and is working out His best for His glory and we can truly, fully trust Him with that.
11. Nearby hotels with free parking and in-house restaurants and available rooms at the last minute.
12. A graft that *seems* to be sticking so far.
13. Olive Garden to Go.

So So many more.  We appreciate your prayers going forward into these next couple days.  That the graft sticks, that pest control would get rid of the fire ants :), and that the peace He has given us through this process would continue.

With Love and Thankfulness
Candy & Conor

9/2/15 appt UPDATE: The graft is sticking and looks great!  Thank you all for your prayers!

The Leprechaun Trap

Let me tell you something about this girl.

She is not easily fooled or impressed.  She had just turned four when she started asking the "Santa" question.  "Is he really real, Mom, like REALLY?"  and "I know fairies are pretend but what about the tooth fairy?

So we were confused and a little surprised when she came home beyond excited about building a leprechaun trap for school.  Fully convinced she was going to catch herself a little green friend.

Warning from Leprechaun's Mom: Leprechauns Beware!

I have to say that before this assignment came home, I had every intention of ignoring St. Patrick's Day.  I know that some moms are super fun and get into these things.  Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe my priorities are just elsewhere but I just don't go big on the minor holidays.  Yet another thing my children can tell their therapist later.  No gold coins and leprechaun footprints.  What a sad life they have.

And yet, when all kindergarteners were supposed to bring in a leprechaun trap to catch a leprechaun over spring break. Darby was ON IT.

Fishing hook attached to a gold coin.  Very Humane.

The week before spring break was a busy one here, so I decided this would be a Daddy project.  And although my studious five year old was harassing us for weeks before it was due we pushed her off until 7:30 the night before.  One day our procrastination will rub off on her. Right? I'm mostly kidding.

After spring break things around the classroom had been moved, there were little footprints, and apparently the leprechauns had used the toilet because the water in that was green.  Our girl was disappointed and blamed herself for not setting the trap quite right. Sneaky leprechauns.  Maybe next year, kiddo. (But please first grade teachers, can we just wear green and call it a day?)

Daddy Daughter Date

Just sent Conor and a very excited five year old off on a fancy date.

 They're going to see Snow White performed by Ballet Austin.  It was a surprise to Darby, we just told her yesterday. :)
She was bouncing off the walls yesterday in anticipation, then this afternoon as we were getting ready, she got very serious.  And nervous.  And wanted everything to be perfect.  Just perfect for her special date with her very favorite person.

She's in dance right now, but I think she likes the idea of dance more than dance itself.  If we ask her if she likes it, she'll say, "Kind of.  I like dance, but you have to stand still a lot and I'm not really a standing still kind of girl."  HA. I love her.
Excited they could have this time.  Such fun and sweet memories for our favorite kindergartener.

Just a February Afternoon...

...jumping on the tramp and looking at bugs

 wearing a blanket as a dress because it's fancy

 and wearing a blanket so we can be like our big sister...

Hours of fun on this dangerous contraption.  Hours and hours and hours.

Can we just take a moment and acknowledge that it is February and we're in short sleeves and tank tops.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over it.

Happy Valentine's Day

We had a great Valentine's Day here!  Full of absolutely zero crafting.  Bittersweet.  I'm learning a lot about cutting myself some slack lately but that's another post. :)

The day before, my friend Emily hosted a wonderful party for the preschool age neighborhood kids who weren't having parties at school.  Well, Kyler was having a party but he was home on Wednesday so he got to come. :)
You'll have to excuse the iphone photos but I had to take pictures of the table.  She's amazing and the kids looooved it.  I don't think Carson had a clue what was going on, except that it was a party and there was lots of candy involved. 
Important lesson of the day: It's okay that I'm terrible at giving my kids experiences like these.  Because I have amazing talented friends. ;)

 Those are marshmallows dipped in chocolate AND white chocolate/sprinkle dipped pretzels. Seriously. 

Yes.  Those are my boys with their hoods up.  I can't explain them.  I don't try to.

Darby and Kyler both had parties at school and all three kids came home on serious sugar highs. 

My sweet valentine woke up and made us french toast and brought me a HUGE triple-shot caramel macchiato (I must have seemed extra grumpy that morning.)  We spent the evening eating Chipotle and hanging out as a family.  Don't worry, Conor and I are going out on Saturday - I can't wait! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Truth in the Tinsel

I. Love. December.
When I was growing up one of my favorite thing about the Holidays was adding an "ornament" every day to a large felt advent tree that we had as we counted down the days until Christmas.  I love the idea of counting down, preparing our hearts, making space.

Last year we bought this(yes, I bought it, lots of ideas on pinterest for making one.  I'm just too lazy)

and every day was filled with a different fun activity or a place to serve.  I compiled a list in November and filled each little door with a slip of paper telling the kids what we'd be doing that day.  One day we shopped for toys for needy kids, one day we read a new Christmas book, or delivered meals, or attended a Christmas program, or made cookies...

This year when we pulled out the house, the kids couldn't wait to get started, and yesterday, on December 1st I realized I hadn't done a thing.  I'm a little disorganized this year.

So our first day I decided to use to introduce our "Truth in the Tinsel" advent.  If you haven't heard of this little e-book, it's an awesome way to tell kids about the story of Jesus as you lead up to Christmas.  Each day you read a Bible verse together, make an ornament, and talk about a piece of the Christmas story.  For example, yesterday the ornament was a candle because Jesus came to bring Light to the darkness(Isaiah(9:2-7).  We really wanted to try this last year, but the ornaments, though simple and created for kids, required a lot of supplies that I hadn't collected. Because I'm disorganized. (sensing a theme?).

BUT this year, they added something just for disorganized, barely holding it together moms like me.

 PRINTABLE ORNAMENTS!  So now, my kids color an ornament and we read scripture and talk about it and clothespin it onto some yarn (with clothespins I haven't bought yet. Surprised?)

We're having fun. :) 

Kyler's 'light'

Yard Sale

Just putting some preschoolers to work.  Learning how to clean a yard-sale purchase is a pretty important life-skill in this house.  Love having these little helpers around.

 

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,
Please come back.  Seriously I think it every time you go out of town.  I don't know how people do this on their own.  Taking care of 3 littles without you is hard.  We're fine.  We're making it.  I'm not pulling my hair out yet.  But the house may not survive. 
When little boys don't nap and there's no daddy to take them outside to play so mommy can catch up.  This is what we end up with.

A very dirty house that I'm blogging about instead of cleaning because after finally getting them all tucked in I'm completely wiped.  We have also borrowed a guard dog for the weekend.  She's pretty ferocious.


Oh and your daughter is sleeping in your shirt.
We miss you!

for the 3 yr old

Sweet little man,
This post is three months late, but I figure you'd rather I write this three months late than skip it.  And trust me.  You are such a delight at 3 years old that you will want this post included in the way we remember you as a child, and you are also such a busy little guy that you will need this post as a warning because if your children take after you they will make you incredibly happy and proud and very very tired.

Kyler - how dearly loved you are.  You gave us a run for our money in your twos.  Quite literally, as you often took off running as fast as you could until you were halfway down the block before we caught up with you.  Often without pants on.  When you were caught you'd immediately turn, smile and come barreling toward us as though your cuteness would win us over and you could avoid discipline.  That tactic actually does work with many of the other adults in your life.  Because you are so dang cute.

Your memory is incredible.  It scares me actually.  You will reenact entire scenes from movies with your toys and will often quote lines from tv shows or movies you've seen if you can find a way to relate them to what's going on around you (you get that from your dad).  At three years old you can read dozens of words, not because you understand phonics or how words work, but just because you memorized them while we were teaching your sister.  And now it's impossible to read to you without interruption as you insist on pointing out every word you know.

We still often find you sleeping in peculiar places.  On your floor, under your mattress, under your bed, or most recently, in your laundry basket.  I think you just play hard.  Really hard. Until you crash.  

You are so funny.  I love how your vocabulary is growing and the craziest things come out of your mouth.  When you turned 3 you were just getting the hang of potty training, but putting your underwear and pants on was another story.  You'd often come walking out of the bathroom saying. "These in trouble. These in trouble" when you couldn't get your legs through the right parts of your clothes.  The other day you yelled to your dad that "My underwear is disobeying!  It's being disrespectful!!!"  Seriously, I love you.

You're in a superhero phase.  Anything with a cape and a mask and you're sold.  Your first words of the day are typically "Is my batman shirt dirty?"  if I try to put anything else on you.  At this point you have several superhero shirts that you rotate between, but the Batman shirt is your favorite.  We got you Batman rain boots for Christmas and you literally wear them almost every day.  I don't think you've ever seen a Batman cartoon or show, or any superhero show for that matter, but still you're obsessed.  I think Superhero obsession must be hidden in male genetic code.

You're afraid of car washes and I'm always afraid the workers are going to think I'm hurting you from the way you scream in terror when we drive through.  But you've recently started something new: you shut your eyes real tight while we go through and then after we're out you ask us if you were brave and we tell you that you were and you smile.  Now you ask to go to the car wash just so that you can prove to us how brave you are.

I love the way every time you see a flower or a weed or even a long piece of grass next to us you pick it up and say "This flower is for YOU."  But you've started pretending like you don't like kisses from me and pushing me away if I try in public.  But I steal them anyway and you giggle.  Because you're not allowed to be too old or too cool for Mommy's kisses yet.  

You are so busy little one.  Your mind never stops and you never stop and everyone who knows you comments on your 'energy.'  You are passionate.  Oh so passionate and you feel your emotions strongly.  You cry hard and you laugh hard.  Actually if you start laughing too hard we have to stop everything and make you stop laughing because you will literally laugh until you throw up.  You're persistent and when you get your mind set on something you are very slow to give up.  Hold on to that son, it exhausts your parents now, but that will be a strength that will serve you well when you are a grown man.  You are rough and tumble and always dirty and into something.  Just the way little boys should be.

We love you buddy.

 

Centerpieces & the trouble with Pinterest

There is a reason this is not a crafty blog.  I enjoy creating things with my hands (especially if it's cheaper to make it than to buy it) and I love doing projects with my kids.  (see evidence below)

Carson really just ate the cheerios the whole time.  But he was there. :)

BUT it's not the kind of thing I do every day, and still somehow I am responsible for providing tablecovers and centerpieces for Darby's preschool party tomorrow.  The tablecovers I'm fine with, though I confess I did not follow the suggestion to call the mom in charge of napkins to coordinate colors, so if this is a brown & maroon Easter party we're in trouble.
But centerpieces?  For 4 yr olds? 

I went to the party store hoping to find reasonably priced tablecovers and some magical easy CHEAP Easter-themed item for the tables. 

{Tangent Warning} :)
While we were there I decided to see if they had any 'Rapunzel' plates for my soon-to-be 5 yr old who has requested a 'Rapunzel' themed party.  I felt a twinge of guilt as I picked up some pre-made 'Rapunzel' invitations.  Hadn't I seen some super-cute handmade, personalized invites on pinterest?  Where a braided string of yarn wraps around the tower invitation?  Who even buys store-bought invitations anymore?  Only lazy failure moms.  As I stood there in the aisle, this thought came to my mind: "Who are you trying to impress with this party?"  Will my almost 5 yr old care or even remember what her invitations look like? 


The introduction of pinterest has upped everyone's game.  We're not limited to our own ideas, now all of our parties can be just as awe-inspiring, and birthday parties are far more involved and crafty than they used to be.  But here's my question - who are we doing it for?  Is it for our kids?   Or am I really just trying to impress the other moms?

For me, that's what it is.  Trying to impress other moms.  With my kids' birthday party.  It's sad really.  I turned tootsie pops into super-heroes for Kyler's party, complete with fancy bubble stickers with the first letter of their name on the cape.  His party was at a bounce house so that was the only crafty thing I did.  Do you know how long that took me?  H O U R S.  Do you know what Kyler remembers from his party?  Bouncing.  His friends.  And his batman cake that we ordered from Target.

Now, I have some friends that really just love this stuff.  They love being creative and crafty and take a great deal of pleasure in hand-drawing little ninja eyes on each cupcake and making fruity fake sushi (Hi Candace!).  It's therapeutic and fun for them.  That's awesome.  Go for it.  Your kids are only small for a time so live. it. up.

But for me -  It's not about fun and too often I find myself stressed out just trying to keep up.  As if somehow my love for my kids and my own worth as a mom is directly related to how 'cool' their party is.   For me, the desire to throw the perfect pinterest party is not about blessing my kids with a great party.  It's not even about a creative outlet and fun. 
It's about me. 
It's about trying to find approval from everyone else and putting my identity and value in being the perfect party-throwing super-balanced mom instead of where it should be found: in Jesus, who lived and died and rose again.  For me.  The imperfect, disheveled mom who just can't get it right and buys store-bought invitations. That's going to have to be enough.  And He is.


So back to the (unnecessary) Easter centerpieces.  Here's what I came up with.  Maybe it's lame.  Ok it is a little lame.  But it was cheap.  It took about 5 minutes and puts the Easter focus where it belongs, I hope. (that's a $2 place-card holder from the party store and I cut the cross shape out of a paper plate)

Sick Days and an Eye Update

It seems we haven't gone a week without someone in this house being under the weather since about the middle of February.  Fevers, ear infections, pink eye, bad colds and bronchitis, not to mention both Darby and Kyler are going through some brutal treatment at the dermatologist for a rash that just wouldn't go away.  It's exhausting.  And somehow a little wonderful.  Yes - there are plenty of times that I wish for a moment that these sweet littles would stop needing me and I want to make a "No one touch Mommy" rule because I'm so worn out by all the touching and the clinging and the whines and the cuddling (worn out by cuddling?  Yes.  Judge me if you will but that's where I'm at).

But as often happens and as I've written about so many times before - I have to stop and remember how much I will miss this.  They're growing up way too fast and and there's a chance there will never again be babies in this house and I will long for the days that my sweet three year old just wants to be carried with his head on my shoulder.  All afternoon. 
There's a book that everyone loves where a mother sneaks in her grown son's window to rock him.  That's weird & kind of creepy.  But this is the time for it, for the snuggly affection and rocking, and the million kisses even if I have to steal them.  I'm drinking it in.  We've done lots of rocking lately, lots of cuddling in front of Toy Story, lots of head scratching and back rubbing, lots of nose-wiping, and many many days when I realize my shoulders are covered with baby snot and tears and peanut butter at the end of the day.  It's sweet.  And it's hard.  Really really hard but the more I take the time to realize the sweetness of it the more crazy in love I am with these three little ones and what a privilege it is to have these years with them and it makes me want to freeze time.  Capture every moment and breathe in deep.  So I try.  And it helps that in this house sick kids make for very very cute moments like these:

tshirt, pull up, and rain boots.  Love him

Also a quick eye update for those that have been asking:
Darby: awesome.  Cleared to not see the ophthalmologist again for 5 years.  Yay!
Kyler: looking so so great.  perfect pressures and just had to have his prescription changed because his vision has improved!  Still doesn't need any eye drops, just using glasses to correct the vision damage caused by the glaucoma but he is doing awesome.  Praying that the surgeries he had when he was a baby would continue to keep his pressure stable for the rest of his life!
Carson: Also looks great.  No glaucoma but has his mama's bad vision and needs glasses.  The doctor said for him we would wait until his bad vision created a problem to put him in glasses.  So sometime between next year and kindergarten. :)
and...
Conor:  his eye pressure is looking good.  The surgery last May seems to be doing a really good job of controlling his pressure.  BUT he has a cataract in that eye that they will be removing April 12th.  We'll post more about it as it gets closer.  It's a scary surgery on Conor's eyes, but necessary and the doctor we have is the absolute best.  The good news is that after the surgery he shouldn't even need a contact in that eye, and his glaucoma should be better controlled after the cataract is removed as well.
SO....that's the update. 
Overall we're encouraged, optimistic, and thankful!  But we would definitely appreciate your prayers as it gets closer to Conor's surgery! :)

Alright, time to continue disinfecting the house....

A 30th

What???  A new post?

I can't think of a better way to hopefully jump back in than with a celebration of my beautiful, smart, & all around wonderful old sister.  Cory turned 30 this month.

Cory, you were my first friend and the very best sister I could ask for.  You bring so much joy to our lives and we are thankful for your ever-present honesty (even if it's about the birthday present we gave you), your courage to try new things, and your infectious, head thrown back laugh.  Thank you for loving your niece and nephews so well and being patient with them even when they're driving you crazy.  They adore you and they will be better people because they know you.  Thank you for never forgetting anything. ever.  Thank you for always letting us borrow your dvds.  Thank you for teaching us about love and conviction and never to let any one else decide what you're capable of.  And most of all: thank you for being my sister.  I love you.

And now a few party pictures.  I was supposed to be taking more pictures but I failed.

Callie - the second cutest party guest (second only to Cory)  Callie belongs to my cousin and his beautiful wife.  Is she not perfect?  I'm stealing her.

Gluten-Free Birthday cake with strawberry, lemon, and chocolate tiers.

Bonnie - Cory's 'best buddy' (a local college student who chooses to spend some of her time every week hanging out with Cory.  We love her and she's become part of the family in many ways)

Darby and Aunt Cory.

The Scooter

Maybe not everybody struggles with this.  Maybe it's because my kids are still so young and still so cute - but when my there's something that they see and want and ask for so sweetly.  I want to say yes.  Every time.  I don't of course.  These three are well accustomed to the word 'no.'    

But even though I say 'no' to the majority of the things they ask for, most of the time I WANT to say yes.  I love to make them happy.  I do.  I love to see their little eyes light up with wonder and delight and their big smiles and declarations that "You are the BEST mommy in the WHOLE world."  I mean who wouldn't love that?  But making them happy is not my primary goal.  I am far more interested in their hearts, in their learning to be content and learning to follow Jesus, than I am in them being happy.

Yesterday that was put to the test.  Darby and I were in the front yard when we heard all the neighbor kids playing down the street.  Darby hopped on her bike and rode the three doors down to see her friends who regularly will bike up and down the sidewalk together.  When we got to the neighbors' driveway we discovered that the big Christmas gift for many of her friends this year had been: scooters.  They were all on their cute little pink and blue scooters racing around the driveway.  While I talked to one of the other moms Darby and her friends took turns trying out the new scooters.  My sweet neighbor even gave her son's old Toy Story scooter to Ky since her son had gotten a new one for Christmas.  I think that might have been what set it off.  The jealousy.  The discontent.  We got home from our impromptu play date and Darby was devastated.  "EVERYONE has a scooter but ME!"  "I feel left out.  It's not fun to feel left out." "Why didn't I get a scooter Mom?"

I should mention that this girl did NOT have a disappointing Christmas.  She got the princesses with the rubber clothes she asked for and at one point made the comment. "Oh!  My LaLaLoopsy doll!  I have so many new things I forgot about her!"  She is by no means deprived.  But, our sweet girl who is terribly concerned about fitting in (already - at four years old) was literally in tears about being left out of the scooter fun.

I'll confess to you.  My first thought was that I was sure there were scooters at goodwill or the consignment store and they could not be that expensive.  $10 would fix this.  We could get her a scooter so that she could ride around with her friends.  I know that emotion of wanting so badly just to be a part of things.  I remember it well and my mama heart just wanted to fix it for her so she didn't have to feel that way...Thankfully my next thought was a little more wise than the first.  'Where does it stop? If we buy her a scooter and fix this problem what does that teach her?'  That anytime she doesn't have what she wants Mommy will rush in and fix it for her so she doesn't feel sad?  Thankfully her friend Luke arrived to play for the evening and the scooter was forgotten for a time.

But this morning, on the way to preschool it came up again.  A little voice from the backseat:  "Mom, I'm just so disappointed that I didn't get a scooter and all my friends did."  Praise God for the wisdom he gives just when we need it.  I reminded her that we have been blessed with so many good things and that we need to work on being content.  I asked her to list 5 things she was thankful for. Here's her list.

1. My princesses with the rubber dresses so I can change their clothes.

2. My LaLaLoopsy Doll

3. My bike.

At this point Kyler pipes in "I'm thankful for my Toy Story Scooter.  I love my scooter!"  Thanks son.  Just what we needed.  

After she composed herself from the tears her brother's interruption brought she continued:

4. My friends

5. Jesus.

And also my family and my home.  I have lots of good things!

'So Darby, when you start to feel jealous and discontent what will you do? '

'I'll just remember all the really good things I already have.  Like Jesus and my family.'

Then we arrived at preschool and she went off a much happier girl.

It's so hard.  In many ways it would have been easier to assure her that we would get her a scooter or promise her one for her birthday.  But this will certainly not be the last time she is disappointed that she doesn't have something 'everyone else' has.  She's not going to find happiness by acquiring more and more 'stuff'   It will never be enough.  

If we teach our kids that their disappointment can always be fixed instead of letting them feel it then I think we are doing them a disservice.  Our kids need to feel disappointment.  They need to feel left out sometimes.  They need to experience the hard emotions that are part of life so that we can walk them through it and point them to Jesus.  Because one day they will experience disappointment we can't fix and they need to know where to turn.  Our job is so much bigger than raising happy kids.  We want to raise kids who have learned to be content, who look to Jesus to fill their needs and follow after Him with all their heart.

Of course it's still fun to make them happy.  She'll probably get a scooter for her birthday in May so that she can ride around the neighborhood with her friends this summer.  I'm just not going to deprive her of the opportunity to work through contentment in the meantime by letting her know it's coming.

What We're Reading

Something about Fall and lighting a fire makes me want to curl up under a blanket with a book.  Of course, the reality is that most of my 'reading' these days is listening to audiobooks while I try to get the house back in order over naptime....regardless, I thought it would be fun to list some of the books we've been reading this month and last.

Candy
Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis -
the story of a young girl from Tennessee who moves to Uganda for what was supposed to be only a short time.  She is now 23 and the mother to 13 beautiful Ugandan little girls and runs a non-profit that provides food and schooling for hundreds of others. Mostly a compilation of her blog posts over the past few years.  Amazing.  Challenging.  Such a neat story of what God can do through those who are willing.  Reading her story brought perspective to my chaos and moved something in my heart about our responsibility as believers to care for orphans.  Too much moved in my heart to state in a paragraph, so just read it for yourself.  I have several teenage girls in mind that I will be giving this to as a Christmas gift. :)

Bittersweet:  Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist
I am not sure how to recommend this book, as every single chapter has made me cry.  Mostly tears of remembering, empathizing with her story b/c it sounds so similar to ours in so many ways.  Not every detail.  We have walked different journeys but so many of the chapters, whether heavy or light-hearted, make me wish that I had written them myself because I feel like she knows me and is telling my story with different names and different specifics.  From her chapter on hating running and her friend that made her change her mind (oh Kelly you must read that one) to her chapter about her dear friends who walked those early roads of motherhood with her that will always be dear to her heart no matter the miles that separate them (oh too many to count) even to her description of her little boy turning 3 that reminds me so much of our sweet almost 3 year old.  I cannot tell you how many times Conor has walked into the room to find me with my headphones in my ears sobbing hard.  I recommend it.  I do.  especially to my friends in their 20s and 30s that feel like 'transition' is the word that best characterizes their life lately.  You will cry, but it will be a good, cleansing cry that you come out the other side of with hope and thankfulness for every part of your journey.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett  I know I'm late reading this one.  But I wanted to read it before I saw the movie because I'm stubborn like that.  It's wonderful and eye-opening and I couldn't put it down. The story was so rich and the character development so good that I really am not sure I will watch the movie because I know it won't measure up.

Self Talk, Soul Talk:  I haven't started this one yet but it's next on my list, sitting on my bedside table as we speak.  Because my grandmother recommended it and I appreciate her wisdom and think if she said it's worth reading.  It's worth reading.

Conor:
Quitter by Jon Acuff.  Ok we both read this one.  I read it primarily because I think Jon Acuff is funny.  And his book made me laugh.  Who reads a business book because they need a laugh?  Conor and I apparently.  It's good solid common-sense advice and it's funny. :)

A few Church Ministry/Leadership books
Activate: An entirely New Approach to Small Groups
Crucial conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives - written by a doctor, the author unpacks one of the reasons he thinks we Americans are such a mess - b/c we don't have enough margin in our lives.  Conor found the first half of the book fascinating and kept reading excerpts out loud to me.  Apparently the second half wasn't as good.


And many more.  I really can't keep up with him.  Ever since he got his ipad with the reverse contrast type so that it's easy on his eyes it's like he can't read enough.  Making up for all those lost years when reading was harder work.
Oh and he's been reading those obnoxious eragon books.  That I can't stand and refuse to link to.  The next one comes out this month. Ugh.



Darby
Little House in the Big Woods - a classic we're reading aloud to her :)  she finds it boring at times but we're pressing on.  Excited to introduce her to a girl character that is not a princess.
Fancy Nancy series
Gigi: God's Princess
Jesus Storybook Bible
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - she and daddy read this together.  So sweet.


Kyler
Spot Bakes a Cake  - almost every day.  It's his favorite and to be honest Spot reminds me a little of Kyler.  Is that weird?  
Baby Einstein Alphabet book (mostly because of the "baby dragon" puppet on the front, he quickly loses interest when he realizes it's not actually about the baby dragon)
Anything Dr Seuss


Carson
Anything with fuzzy animals he can touch.  He's JUST NOW at 16 months beginning to let us read to him.  The kid does not like to sit still and it's probably my fault that his speech is delayed because he's only been to library story time once in his entire toddler life.  He will probably still be reading the fuzzy books in Kindergarten and climbing on the bookshelves and eating paint.  All because I didn't read to him enough.  Seriously though I think he's messing with us.  One day he'll say a complete sentence and then not a word for a week.  Maybe we're hearing things or maybe since his sister will often speak for him he just doesn't see the need.  Mostly I think he's just too busy working on his running and jumping and climbing out windows and turning on the TV & DVD player himself to be bothered.  But this post is about books and he likes fuzzy animal ones and these little miniature books shaped like blocks that his great-grandmother bought one of his siblings.  :)  He loves those.  And has about destroyed them from carrying them around everywhere he goes.


So-what are you reading?  Anything we should add to our lists?

The Dance

"Dance with me, Mama, dance with me!"  A skinny two year old waves his arms and spins in circles shaking his tiny hips to the music.
And so I do, and the baby who is not quite a baby at 15 months old joins in and we laugh and turn in circles, the three of us.  And I think "these are the moments I cherish."
And the two year old slips on his bare feet and his head slams against the wall and silence and then the cry that hurts a mama's heart.  So I scoop him up and he clings to me with his skinny arms and legs as his tears show themselves on the shoulder of my shirt, and I hold him and I dance for him while he cries....  And I think "these are the moments I cherish."
Because far too soon this little boy will be a big boy and then a man, and he won't need his mama in the same way anymore.  He won't wrap little legs around my waist and hold on tight to my neck while I whisper into his ear that he'll be ok.
And so I drink in the moment.  And thank the Good Lord for these sweet babies I have been given the privilege of loving and cherishing and teaching and training.  That I can show them by dancing and by sweet whispers of comfort that they are cherished and adored, by their parents on Earth, but how much greater by their Father in Heaven, who loves them with a love more perfect than mine could ever be.  And that I can whisper every day of His grace, His love and how He showed it on the cross and how their heavenly Father can hold them when they're sad - even when they're too big and too proud to let their mama see their tears.  But for now I walk with my snot stained shoulders, remembering every day, even the hard ones, when the tears are my own, that every day of this sweet season is such a precious gift.

Photo by Margaret Blades Photography

For the Dress-Up Princess

Darby lives for dress up.  We've really been struggling as her dress-up collection grows with how to store it so that she can easily clean it up herself and the dresses don't get ruined by being stuffed in bins.  I've had some ideas floating around but this week it finally came together.  

Ikea Mirror: 9.99

Hooks (Target): 10.99 each

All hung with 3M strips so that when she's too old for dress-up we don't have 8 different drill marks in the wall.    She absolutely loves it!

I want to put "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" somewhere on the mirror or the wall by the mirror but I have to find some reasonably priced vinyl lettering or some other cheaper option first.   Any ideas?